I discovered running in my mid twenties. I remember my first few runs on those PNW trails feeling hard. But I also remember feeling a deep sense of freedom and adventure. I didn’t start out with any particular goal or expectation of what running “should” be. I simply felt myself flying over the trails fully present for all the difficulty, beauty, pain, challenge, excitement, and joy a run can bring. I think most of us start our running journey this way. I found I had a talent for running and began competing in races. I started in college running cross country and track, then moved on to road half and full marathons. As I continued racing, I slowly became caught up in my times and places. I looked to my running performances for self worth and security. Instead of enjoying my experience, running turned into something I “had” to do and had to do well in order to feel good about who I was. The focus of my running shifted from fully experiencing the depth of running, to the metrics and outcomes of my runs. Over time I lost touch with the freedom I once felt.

I continued running this way for many years until I found myself severely overtrained, unmotivated, and deeply unsatisfied with running. I felt the physical toll of unsustainable training I had put my body through and my mental health was suffering. I reached a breaking point and I knew I couldn’t keep running this way. Something had to change. I had to let go of what I had made my running into. The process of letting go was hard, but it allowed me to be open to what running could be and I began to rediscover my relationship with running. Though the journey has felt slow and difficult at times, I’ve been able to reclaim my enjoyment and once again experience the freedom and adventure that running can offer. It’s been a long journey of learning to tune into what my body feels, what my heart desires, what the trails are showing me, and what this experience is teaching me. It’s a journey I’m still on and I believe there’s always more to discover. I think that’s the magic of it.